Just a thought of it all!

Ok, I get it… we are not at all perfect.. we are human beings who mess up every day and deserve hell everyday… but are we not suppose to strive to be like Christ. I find myself Guilty today. I sit here battleing my flesh and wanting to act out in ways that I shouldnt… stinks, but Im just being honest. But why am I feeling this way? I have so much Crap going on in my life…

My sweet precious sister in law diagnosed with Brain cancer, 3-9 months to live, me and my Fiance break off the wedding, my “friends” I find are not friends at all, I cant eat, cant sleep, when I sleep I dont want to wake up, stress level is beyond measureable. Then… while sitting here I realize… this life is not my own, it is Gods, my body is not my body at all, Im just a vessel that needs to be willing to go where ever the Lord leads me. If I have the attitude of Job…. Will I not Praise God through any and every storm? Will I not Run to him and fall on my face before him? Will I not make my requests known to him?

If I believe his word is true you would think this would be an easy process…. but it all comes down to one thing….. Surrendering all. All I am, all I have, all to you God, All to you! Letting Go is the hardest thing I could do… letting go of everything and trusting that my father in heaven has everything perfectly laid before me. Why is it so hard to trust someone I love so much? I know you will never leave nor forsake me, so why do I feel as though I cannot let Go. There is only one solution to this… I have to go deeper, I love you and I trust you Lord, now it’s time to prove it.

I am tired of telling you how I feel, and then turning around and my actions show different… Im tired of running from the one who has had my heart before I was conceived. He loved me first…. God of all the universe… loved me first. What a thought to dwell on! Oh how he loves us! Let’s love God like there is no tomorrow, let’s love him like there was nothing else in the world but him! Let’s love him because he loved us first, and because he deserves much more than we can even give him.

When the world is crashing down around me, I will still stand.

Add a comment October 26, 2009