Evansville with my family

I am currently in Evansville IN. with my mom and sisters visiting my sister in law, brother and my sweet little niece Cailey! Oh boy has she grown! She is getting so big! Today is halloween and she is a LAMB! As you can tell in the pictures! She is my little pride and joy! I want to be closer to them so that I can see them everyday! It’s so hard being so close to someone and being so far away! I just miss them!

My baby girl is so cute… Cailey Jean! How is it that when you get to know someone more and more you fall more and more in love with them? Like Gods love for us is never changing and is always above and beyond what we can fathom. I dont understand that. But my love for my little baby niece gets deeper and deeper every time I see her! She is growing up so fast and will be 5 months on nov. 12th.

Mary is looking so good! She is so strong and looks so healthy. She is tired but keeps on going! She is refusing to let this cancer control her life! God has and is still doing some amazing things in that girl! Today after we were done shopping we all piled into their car and me, mar and my sisters piled in the back seat. It was packed, but nice and cozy. Mary laid her head on my shoulder to rest a bit, it was precious to me! Thats my sister in law…. but she is more like a sister, and I wish I could take everything she is going through right now and carry it for her! Isnt that awesome that we feel that way when we see someone we love going through something?! That is EXACTLY why Jesus came down and died on the cross for us! He saw what we were going through, and all the crud… and through it he came down, died a brutal death in our place, and rose again! Amazing! What a love we have!

Well my grandparents should be arriving soon! I cant wait! We are all going to have fun tonight! Baby just got put down for a little nap! We shall see how long that lasts! Check out her little costume!

Add a comment October 31, 2009

Going Somewhere?

My btother and Mar!

Hmm… So I want to go somewhere… not sure where… but anywhere but here would be good! I’m really praying about things, and some situations that need to be removed from my life. I need direction before I lose my mind in the process!

I miss my Brother and Mary and my little baby niece Cailey! I wish I could be with them, and help them… but I want to be in Gods will…. Lord… is it your will that I go? Dont you just wish it was as simple as him saying “YES ASHLEY, GO!”? I mean seriously I just need it this one time!

I would drop everything if I knew it were God, and I would not look back. Everything inside of me wants to get away but am I just trying to run from my problems… or do I just need a fresh start…. where no one knows me, no one knows my past, and I can just be who I am in Christ and start new! So am I going somewhere? hmm…. good question, I guess I will know soon enough. Lord, open a door if I’m suppose to go, and close it if Im not! I love you and I trust you! I will do what you tell me!

Add a comment October 28, 2009

Healer!

As many of you already know, my sister in law was diagnosed with Brain cancer about a month ago. She is a beautiful wife and a loving mother of Cailey her 4 month old baby girl! She is 22 years old and at 5’1″ is now weighing at about 80lbs. She started Radiation and chemo 2 weeks ago and goes every day for 3 months. She is such a strong girl! We all see the hand of God on her life, and just know he is going to heal her. The Dr. has given her the prognosis of 3-9 months to live, but we know that God is the master Physician and he IS going to heal her! She is losing her vision now, but God is going to restore that too! Their faith is strong in the Lord and I believe that is what is going to get them through!

Thank you for all of your prayers, they are still very much needed and appreciated! I love you all!

Add a comment October 27, 2009

Just a thought of it all!

Ok, I get it… we are not at all perfect.. we are human beings who mess up every day and deserve hell everyday… but are we not suppose to strive to be like Christ. I find myself Guilty today. I sit here battleing my flesh and wanting to act out in ways that I shouldnt… stinks, but Im just being honest. But why am I feeling this way? I have so much Crap going on in my life…

My sweet precious sister in law diagnosed with Brain cancer, 3-9 months to live, me and my Fiance break off the wedding, my “friends” I find are not friends at all, I cant eat, cant sleep, when I sleep I dont want to wake up, stress level is beyond measureable. Then… while sitting here I realize… this life is not my own, it is Gods, my body is not my body at all, Im just a vessel that needs to be willing to go where ever the Lord leads me. If I have the attitude of Job…. Will I not Praise God through any and every storm? Will I not Run to him and fall on my face before him? Will I not make my requests known to him?

If I believe his word is true you would think this would be an easy process…. but it all comes down to one thing….. Surrendering all. All I am, all I have, all to you God, All to you! Letting Go is the hardest thing I could do… letting go of everything and trusting that my father in heaven has everything perfectly laid before me. Why is it so hard to trust someone I love so much? I know you will never leave nor forsake me, so why do I feel as though I cannot let Go. There is only one solution to this… I have to go deeper, I love you and I trust you Lord, now it’s time to prove it.

I am tired of telling you how I feel, and then turning around and my actions show different… Im tired of running from the one who has had my heart before I was conceived. He loved me first…. God of all the universe… loved me first. What a thought to dwell on! Oh how he loves us! Let’s love God like there is no tomorrow, let’s love him like there was nothing else in the world but him! Let’s love him because he loved us first, and because he deserves much more than we can even give him.

When the world is crashing down around me, I will still stand.

Add a comment October 26, 2009

Hmm… this is different

I suppose this would be my first blog…. weird! Shout out to my girl Christal who opened my eyes to a whole new world in Blogging! lol

Hmm, what to talk about? Im sure my life is not really that interesting, especially since it’s a little lonely right now! I love being at work and not feeling motivated to do my job AT ALL! Maybe one day Ill work a job that I love! Either that or marry an ugly rich man so I never have to work again! Ha ew! Why do I always think of ugly men when I think of money! lol

Anyways, Im excited for tomorrow night! Get it Lecrae! Im going with my best friend and her new Hubby and my cousin! this should be a great time… Panera before, and probably something fatening afterwards… Good thing im changing my life and working out! RIGHT!! lol Ok Bloggers, that’s all I have for now!

Add a comment October 23, 2009